A public service announcement

pizza.jpgAttention, consumers of pizza pie goodness. Many of you are not aware of a societal expectation on your part towards the hardworking individuals who risk life and limb to bring piping hot pizza to your door.

It is customary, in addition to the cost of your meal, to add a little extra money to reward your delivery person for good service rendered. This is called a “tip.” I know this is a new concept to many people, especially in Davis County, Utah, but stay with me here.

A simple guide to tipping the pizza guy is as follows (assuming he/she has arrived in the time frame specified when ordering): a $5 or greater tip will ensure that you are remembered and said pizza guy will be eager to deliver your pizza as quickly as possible next time. $3-$4 is average/okay. $2 only makes me not hate you, unless I have to drive 20 or more minutes to get to you. If you are either clueless or rude enough to tip $1 or less, you might as well spit in my face and kick me in the junk while you’re at it, as it is considered an insult. Contrary to what you see on television, you don’t run the risk of getting mucus or saliva in your next order; however, a voodoo curse can’t be ruled out. Cuz I know a guy, know what I’m sayin’?

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About Nick Perkins

Insurance drone by day, cartoonist by night.
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5 Responses to A public service announcement

  1. I’ll try to keep in mind tipping next time I place an order here in Canada-land.

  2. Did you read Eric D. Snider’s experience delivering pizza to Merrill J. Bateman, former BYU president? Apparently such an august post doesn’t pay well enough to tip the pizza guy, either. (http://www.ericdsnider.com/herald/bateman-robbing/)

  3. cartoonista says:

    I’ve always loved that one.

  4. The wanderer says:

    I’ve since been converted to tipping but I used to believe that when it said “Free” delivery that it meant that I didn’t need to pay for having a pizza delivered to my house. That the driver was getting paid to deliver pizza by the pizza maker.
    Also I used to think that tipping was something that was optional.
    Like I said I was converted many, years ago to tipping the driver.

  5. Pingback: Dadmocracy » Archive » This is a job for…

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